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Submitted on
July 31, 2012
File Size
620 bytes


11 (who?)
You whisper five sweet words,
Then back up six more steps.
You notice all the birds,
But blind, pass o'er the clouds.

Going on you say you're sad,
That you're worried and upset
But then I must be mad-
You're fine when you're with them.

I'm beautiful you say-
Much prettier than them.
Then why is it everyday,
I see you over there?

Maybe you aren't lying,
And maybe it is so.
But why are you not trying,
To see these tears of mine?
Theme 56 of my 100 theme challenge-

I put quite a bit of emotion behind this one... Not necessarily the same emotions I am feeling right now, but trust me. There's definitely some truth behind it.

I wrote this poem with the idea of the other person in a relationship ruining it. One who sees what's happening and how it could be fixed, and the other can- or just chooses not- to see anything wrong.
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This poem was featured in our weekly feature, after it was suggested by crystelclear1104.

P2TM is designed to encourage more people to read and write poetry, including song lyrics, through a weekly feature: one poem or song from outside dA and one from dA itself, with information about the poems and the poets.

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Keep writing!
LassieBob Apr 1, 2014  Student Photographer
Thank you  :)
LightOverpowers58 Sep 2, 2012  Student Writer
You have been featured here.
LassieBob Sep 3, 2012  Student Photographer
Thank you
LightOverpowers58 Sep 3, 2012  Student Writer
You are welcome
NotenSMSK Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The rhyme scheme is unique and a bit uncertain; i honestly was confused at a moment! But you have put it quite nicely. There is a bit what the reader has to assume but it is not that hard to get so well done :)
LassieBob Aug 1, 2012  Student Photographer
I left a lot to the readers' imagination definitely. To some I suppose it could be annoying, but other people enjoy the general thoughts.

Thanks for the comment :)
NotenSMSK Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome.
LightOverpowers58 Jul 31, 2012  Student Writer
:hug: The rhyme scheme is nice and keeps the flow of the poem moving ahead. Nice work!
LassieBob Jul 31, 2012  Student Photographer
Thank you :)
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