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Literature Text
She is the strong silent type
The one who always puts up a fight-
To stand her ground, to speak her mind
There's only one like her you'll find.
She seems reserved and lost,
The penalty of a too high cost.
Living in her own little world,
The pages of her life slightly curled.
The words on her lips die away,
No one listens until it's far too late.
Her mind had a false start-
So now she's gone and hidden her heart.
Her tears make her stronger than most
Eyes following a far away ghost.
And while she always stands alone,
She lives a life no one has known.
I pity the man who will raise his hand
When one day he sees her strongly stand.
One day she will learn to live-
Once she discovers who she is.
The one who always puts up a fight-
To stand her ground, to speak her mind
There's only one like her you'll find.
She seems reserved and lost,
The penalty of a too high cost.
Living in her own little world,
The pages of her life slightly curled.
The words on her lips die away,
No one listens until it's far too late.
Her mind had a false start-
So now she's gone and hidden her heart.
Her tears make her stronger than most
Eyes following a far away ghost.
And while she always stands alone,
She lives a life no one has known.
I pity the man who will raise his hand
When one day he sees her strongly stand.
One day she will learn to live-
Once she discovers who she is.
I have been toying with this idea for a while- self identity.
There was a slave trader who came to a plantation to buy some slaves. As he was looking over the workers, he noticed one that was different from the rest. His head was high, his demeanor proud. When the trader asked to buy the one slave, the farmer replied "He's not for sale". When asked what made him so different, the farmer was happy to explain. "In his homeland he was the son of a king. He holds himself as his father would want him to. And even though he's not at home anymore, he is still the song of a king."
Know who you are. There lies your strength.
There was a slave trader who came to a plantation to buy some slaves. As he was looking over the workers, he noticed one that was different from the rest. His head was high, his demeanor proud. When the trader asked to buy the one slave, the farmer replied "He's not for sale". When asked what made him so different, the farmer was happy to explain. "In his homeland he was the son of a king. He holds himself as his father would want him to. And even though he's not at home anymore, he is still the song of a king."
Know who you are. There lies your strength.
© 2012 - 2024 LassieBob
Comments5
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VISION 4/5
Although the words lead the reader to the conclusion the narrator is hinting at, there are a few lines that could be reworked to create a stronger and natural flow.
ORIGINALITY 2/5
The ideas have all been used in poetry before. Among the strongest lines are:
Line 4: "There's only one like her you'll find."
Line 12: "So now she's gone and hidden her heart."
Line 16: "She lives a like now one has known."
Line 19: "One day she will learn to live."
^ All these lines bring out the "conscious voice" of the narrator, and get the reader inside her/his head. These are the lines that make this piece easy to identify with - everyone has felt a version of these emotions and actions before.
TECHNIQUE: 3/5 (Changes will be in bold font to distinguish them. All changes or non-changes will be explained).
STANZA 1 (Lines 1 -4)
She is the strong silent type
who always puts up a fight-To stand her ground, to speak her mind
There's only one like her you'll find.
^ Words should be used carefully and in Line 2 you can omit the words: 'The one' and skip directly to 'who always puts up a fight -' By leaving 'who' lowercase you use a technique called ENJAMBMENT which will help increase the flow of your poem.
STANZA 2 (Line 5-8)
She seems reserved and lost,
The penalty of too high a cost.
Living in her own little world,
The pages of her life slightly curled.
She seems reserved and lost,
The penalty of too high a cost.
Living in her own little world,
The pages of her life slightly curled.
^ 'a too high cost' feels clumsy (It's one of the lines I mentioned in Vision). You can switch around the wording slightly to create a tighter phrase 'too high a cost' and still maintain your end rhyme while eliminating the feeling of a 'forced rhyme.'
STANZA 3 (Lines 9 - 12)
STANZA 3 (Lines 9 - 12)
The words on her lips die away,
No one listeneduntil she refused to stay.
Her mind had a false start-
So now she's gone and hidden her heart.
^ Lines 9 and 10 break your constructed rhyme scheme which takes the reader away from your story. You can get the same meaning across by saying 'No one listened until she refused to stay.
STANZA 4 (Lines 13 - 16)
Her tears make her stronger than most
Eyes following a far away ghost.
And while she stands alone,
She lives a life no one has known.
^ In general when you're describing how something feels (the narrator feels as if she is 'always alone') rather than the reality it is better to stay away from absolutes like 'always' or 'never.' LINE 15 is going to be stronger if you take out 'always' and create the narrator's reality but insinuating that although she/he chooses to stand alone they aren't - there are people around the person who care yet don't really know them.
STANZA 5 (Lines 17 - 20)
STANZA 5 (Lines 17 - 20)
I pity the man who will raise his hand
When one day he sees her stand.
One day she will learn to live-
Once she discovers who she is.
^ Line 18 is going to be more powerful if you say 'sees her stand.' Throughout the poem through word choice and content you establish how strong the person is. You don't need to say 'strongly stands.' The reader already gets the feeling that the person is strong after knowing all she/he's faced through the previous stanzas.
IMPACT 5/5
I really identify (for many reasons) with this poem. I especially feel personal connection to the lines:
"So now she's gone and hidden her heart"
^ Which I have done in the last year as I coped with a separation from my ex-boyfriend that resulted in our friendship falling apart and him not including me in his life. The act of "hiding your heart" is a big one and a painful decision to undo - and I really think that is the reason many people (even if they don't comment) will connect with this piece.
and: "She lives a life no one has known."
^ For me this really connected with your last line "Once she discovers who she is." Because I think that "No one has known" applies to the person her/himself whose life is not shared or aides by others. I really identify with this beign adoped and also having other life situations work against me when people have tried to undrstand how I have reached my current views and outlooks on life.
I hope to hear from you in the future and that you keep writing. It's a great way to express emotions and cope with life in general.